BREAKING: Democrats and Republicans Accidentally Agree on Something, Both Sides Immediately Change Positions • Republican Claims to Pull Self Up by Bootstraps While Standing on Trust Fund • Democrat Promises Change, Changes Mind About Promise • [Previous headlines continue...]

EnkiReport

Where Absurdity Meets Authority

Breaking Satire Ancient Wisdom Modern Nonsense
Man triumphantly holding a perfectly folded fitted sheet
Breaking Waves

Area Man Achieves Enlightenment After Successfully Folding Fitted Sheet

Local guru emerges from laundry room claiming to have unlocked secrets of the universe. "It's all about letting go of your attachment to corners," says enlightened being.

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Confused man staring at coffee cup
Mythical Insights

Study Shows Coffee's Primary Effect Is Making People Want More Coffee

Scientists baffled by breakthrough discovery that coffee's main purpose might be perpetuating its own consumption.

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Person meditating with smartphone
Columns of Wisdom

Mindfulness App Sends Notification to Remind Users to Stop Looking at Their Phone

Premium feature includes guilt-inducing messages about screen time while users scroll through social media.

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Office plant with sticky notes
The Ripple Effect

Office Plant Receives More Emotional Support Than Junior Staff

Investigation reveals company's succulent has better benefits package and more personal growth opportunities than entry-level employees.

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