LOCAL NEIGHBORHOOD - In what spiritual leaders are calling an unprecedented achievement, area man Dave Johnson has reportedly achieved complete enlightenment after successfully folding a fitted sheet on his first attempt.

"It was like everything suddenly made sense," Johnson explained, still glowing with inner peace. "The corners aligned perfectly, the elastic edges submitted to my will, and in that moment, I understood the fundamental nature of reality."

Witnesses report seeing a bright light emanating from Johnson's laundry room, followed by the sound of gentle laughter and what appeared to be levitation of several dryer sheets.

The Path to Enlightenment

"Most people spend decades meditating in caves or climbing mountains to achieve enlightenment," noted spiritual expert Dr. Sarah Williams. "But Mr. Johnson has proven that true wisdom can be found in the most mundane household tasks."

Johnson's technique, which he describes as "letting go of your attachment to corners," has already attracted attention from leading meditation centers and home organizing experts alike.

Global Impact

Following his breakthrough, Johnson has begun offering weekly seminars from his garage, teaching others the sacred art of fitted sheet folding. "The sheet is just a metaphor," he explains. "Once you understand that, everything else falls into place."