Office Plant Receives More Emotional Support Than Junior Staff
CORPORATE HQ - A shocking investigation has revealed that the office succulent, "Gerald," has been receiving significantly more emotional support and career development opportunities than the company's entry-level employees.
The Growth Disparity
"Gerald gets daily check-ins, encouraging sticky notes, and even has a dedicated wellness committee," reported junior analyst Tim Thompson. "Meanwhile, I had to schedule a meeting three weeks in advance just to learn where the bathroom is."
Benefits Package Comparison
The investigation uncovered that Gerald enjoys:
- Premium filtered water
- Daily light therapy
- Regular growth assessments
- A corner office with optimal sunlight
- Multiple workplace mentors
Management Response
"Gerald has shown exceptional growth potential," defended HR director Janet Stems. "Unlike some employees, Gerald never complains about working conditions and maintains a consistently green outlook."
Moving Forward
The company has announced plans to implement a new "Plant-Human Equity Initiative," though critics note the first phase involves giving Gerald a promotion to Senior Succulent Strategist.